The winter holiday season is a wonderful time of year. People seem to be more patient, giving and understanding.
Halloween, on the other hand, is a celebration of all things creepy and spooky. The two should not overlap. It’s unfair to Thanksgiving!
Nowadays, advertisers and marketing companies have figured out the equation for more purchases – put Santa on the box! This tactic is so powerful, that companies begin promoting holiday-related deals as early as October. Radio stations begin playing “Frosty the Snowman” before the first snow. This is seriously affecting the number of plays “Monster Mash” receives… not cool!
How can we Halloween fanatics defend our holiday against the kindness and warmth that the holiday season provides?! Here’s how…
1) Fight Music with Music
If you are subject to “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” at an inappropriately early date, you must stick up for ax-wielding maniacs and ghosts in the only way possible… get out that “Halloween Sounds” CD and start jamming. That sing-a-long minivan full of happy children will certainly change their tune when your car begins cackling like a witch or revving a chainsaw. That outta show jolly ole Santa a thing or two about boundaries.
If neighbors find it necessary to put up holiday-themed decorations in October, be sure to have an equally eye-catching murder scene on your front lawn during the holiday season. Grab a piece of cardboard and paint it gray. Do it 30 times. Write names on each one such as: “Harry Johnson,” or “Hugh Jass.” Stick them in your lawn in December and – voila – you have just created a graveyard. Throw a dummy full of leaves in the snow just to make sure they know you’re not messing around. Then, make sure to leave everything up until January 1. They will get the picture.
3) Dress Up on Christmas
If your relatives have spoiled your Halloween by baking gingerbread cookies on October 28th – no problem! Just show up to Christmas dinner wrapped in toilet paper, and holding your arms out in front of you. If someone asks you why you are dressed like a mummy, just say “AGHGHGHHGHHH!”
You are the ghost of Halloween’s revenge. Defend this wonderful holiday! Good luck!