“Hello. Can I help you?”
“WE WISH YOU A MERRY..”
Forcing someone to awkwardly stand on their porch to hear you sing in the cold should be against the law. That is a terrible thing to do to a total stranger.
Caroling began when horses pulled carriages and street lights were just candles. It may have been socially acceptable back then to appear unannounced at someone’s home and hold them hostage with holiday songs. Like the candles and the horses – this has changed too.
How does one appropriately deal with carolers? Oh… there are ways.
1. Fight Fire with Fire
Just straight-up begin belting your favorite song the moment they begin singing. It doesn’t even have to be holiday-themed. In fact, make sure it isn’t. The confusion caused by your rendition of “Kiss from a Rose” by Seal will be enough to get your message across. When they stop singing – you sing louder. Try singing some Motley Crue or Poison… works every time.
2. Create an Awkward Situation
Answer the door in your robe, with tears in your eyes. Blurt to the carolers that you “didn’t mean to kill him,” or that you “thought Carrie Underwood was your one and only true love.” Basically, act like a nut job. It’s amazing how the holiday spirit of giving vanishes when a psychopath is the one receiving it.
Keep a boombox near the door. When they show up, just hit play and go right back inside. This says two things: 1) You were prepared. they will not be coming back. 2) I don’t care if you stand out here all night – as long as I can’t hear your retched songs. It’s a strong message that carolers won’t forget. Remember: they’re used to people just standing there, as not to hurt their feelings.